We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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