he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
