I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize