Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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