No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
