STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
