Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Your penis caused this!
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
