So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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