I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
