I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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