Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
