awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
