State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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