what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
