This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
