Just mADE A PArabola og urine
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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