It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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