So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
