just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
