i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
