You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize