i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
