I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
