Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
