Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
