i just wanna soil my oats bro
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
