my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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