remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
