you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We left the knife in your bed.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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