i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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