had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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