you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
