So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
