i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
