You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
