One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
