dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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