omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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