so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
