My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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