this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
