I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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