I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
