He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
