Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
