Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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