You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
