Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Apparently you make a good broom.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
