I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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