Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
