Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
