Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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