areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
