he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
