it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
