I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Woke up backwards on a recliner
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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