Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
