new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
