yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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