There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
