You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
