I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
