how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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