I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
