Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
