she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
