This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
