i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I still have a little drunk in my system
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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