Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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