who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
