i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
