The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
