I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
