You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
