My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
